It's Still Chaotic

Almost sixteen years ago, I wrote on my first blog, about the chaos that was life with young children. Knowing that distinct turn of sound when sweet childish laughter becomes a pre-cacophony of destruction. That anxiety of waiting for screams when playful childhood energy turns into pulled hair or stolen toys.

All these years later, you would think I would have it figured out. They are both adults. They both graduated high school. One is in his Junior year of University, and the other, while in her gap year, is employed. By many standards, I have crossed the finish line.

But as a parent, there is no such thing.

The Chaos Way Station

Now the worries turn to whether they will be successful in life, find a career that fulfills them, while keeping enough in their coffers so they don’t age before their time. I want them to have purpose and desire, and joy. 

Oh, and those fears about finding friends and not being the awkward one at Brownies or Science Club? Those have not gone. But they are compounded with the legit fears of Ubers, and dating apps. Broken hearts from bullies or boyfriends could now be stalkers, or worse.

Plus, we have student loans, rides to work, potential school visits, and more…

Chaos by Exponent

So, no. The chaos hasn’t ended. If anything, the stakes went up. Part of me longs for those past days and the sweet simplicity of those problems. That said, I know what an immense privilege it is for me to be here for this chaos.This exponential rise in stakes, and I choose to be here for it and everything to follow - spouses, partners, children, whatever. I choose to be present in my life, so I choose all that comes with it.

At the end of the day, love is chaos. Sweet chaos.

And I am here for it.